The Blahs

I haven’t written in some time. I guess I just have the blahs. And by that I mean, I’m not in the mood to do much more than what is required. Just blasé.

I’m not sad, nor depressed, nor ill. I’m just blah. Blah about the weather, about the news, about exercising (well, I hate exercising, so this is just another excuse) and actually blah about food and cooking, which I usually adore.

I haven’t found a movie or tv show I want to escape into. I am reading several books but not excited about any of them really. All seem dull to me at present. They are just blah. Blasé.

So, what causes this? I remember talking to many hospice patients who felt similar. Of course, they were dying and knew it. But death was far away in the future. They were perfectly stable. So, after all the dismay at their diagnosis, the frantic search for treatment and possible cure, the friends who came by often, and the soulful searching, they found themselves in a place of limbo. Everything was just….calm. No treatments, no frequent visitors, no reading to research new treatments. No symptoms to manage or fear. They had come to a decision and now were just waiting. Some called it living in limbo. Others called it feeling blah. Not one said sad or depressed. Most felt pretty happy actually. But they still wanted stillness. They seemed almost ethereal in that time. So at peace with everything. And themselves.

Now, if I told a medical practitioner that I felt blah and didn’t want to do much, they would probably try to diagnose me with something; depression most likely. But I’m not depressed. I do not need medication nor therapy. I just need to be allowed to feel the way I feel. I actually feel really good! And peaceful.

I can remember visiting patients who were in this zone of life who were constantly cajoled by well meaning family and friends to do something. To go for a walk. Take a small vacation. Read a new book. Visit friends. All sorts of things. And when the patient said no, they just wanted to stay home, the family would ask me if they needed an antidepressant or something to “give them energy” or if the social worker should stop by to “talk about issues.”

But the fact was, there were no issues. No pain. No concerns. The patient just wanted to do nothing. Be blah for awhile.

What is so wrong with doing nothing?

We seem to fill our lives distracting ourselves from ourselves. I think it’s a real problem. If someone sees us sitting doing nothing much, they worry. “What’s wrong” they ask. Nothing is wrong. But they aren’t buying it.

We are accustomed to busyness. I think busyness for the sake of busyness is one of the worst things to happen to our modern society. We have too much of everything all of the time. Too much information, too much interruptive time, too much nonsense being thrown our way 24/7. Too much on our to-do list.

It’s hard to take a real break. We are even afraid to leave our phones at home when we go out. “What if I miss something?”

Honestly, what could you possibly miss for an hour or two. Remember landlines? We missed nothing. If someone needed us they could find us or they would call back. Think about it you folks who grew up in that era; did you really miss out on anything back then?

No, you didn’t.

And we were much better for it honestly.

So I’m embracing my blahdom. I like it. It’s calming. And our senses many times need that so badly. They are overused all the time and need some downtime too.

Blahdom to me is really about stopping the madness and slowing down. My hospice patients really taught me the absolute beauty of this time. It’s often short lived and many times we force ourselves out of it, but it’s really a beautiful oasis we need to embrace.

So, if you feel like something is amiss, you feel tired and anxious and sometimes tense and even angry, see if you are just pushing against the need to stop everything and feel blah for a spell. Even a day is good. Or a few hours. Some may call it a mental health day, but call it a “me” day instead. Be selfish. Draw a barrier around yourself and let nothing in but your own thoughts, your own care. Or, nothing at all.

You will never regret it. No one does.

And you won’t miss much, but you will find yourself, and honestly, there is nothing more important that that.

“I used to dream about escaping my ordinary life, but my life was never ordinary. I had simply failed to notice how extraordinary it was.” ~ Ransom Riggs

“The bad news is, time flies. The good news is, you are the pilot.” ~ Michael Alshuler

“Almost everything will start again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including yourself.” ~ Anne Lamot

“Today me will live in the moment, unless it’s unpleasant, in which case I will eat a cookie.” ~ Cookie Monster